Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize