Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
