I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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