she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
