You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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