after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
