i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
