he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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