Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
