people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize