i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
