I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
