There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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