Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
