so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it hurts more in the daytime
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize