Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
