I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
