i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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