Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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