I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
