Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
