I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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