hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
