I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
