You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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