You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
