The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize