And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
