Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
