Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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