Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
