Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
