the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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