if you like me you must not know who I am
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
