i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
