New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
