I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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