all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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