that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
