Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
