She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize