Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
