what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
