So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
