The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
