I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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