You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
