He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
bring money and cleavage
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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