Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
