YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
