Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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