im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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