Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
