Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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