one two three fourrrrnication!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
