Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
