you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
