i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
