the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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