I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
