Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
