I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
MIDGETS
????
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
