hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
