I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
