with your own penis?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize