I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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