She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
50% drunk capacity currently
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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