Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
