I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
