Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize