Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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