It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
