I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
