just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
