I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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