It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
