You're completely useless in the revolution.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
