My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
