girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
