there was a trapeze. enough said
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
