It's like God shit irony all over that family
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize