Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
