its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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