So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
