I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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