maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
