quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
