I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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