Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
