Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
