I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't turn off my feet"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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